| songstress |
[25 Jun 2006|10:11pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day and through
In that small cafe
The park across the way
The children carrousel
The chestnut trees
The wishing well
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But i'll be seeing you
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But i'll be seeing you
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[13 Oct 2005|11:39pm] |
I want secrets. I want to be abstruse, i feel like everyone i talk to knows exactly where i'm coming from and what i'm talking about. I want to talk to someone about something thats happened to me or that i'm feeling and i want this person to be confused or not confused just not familiar with what i'm saying. I don't want to have a conversation about how he/she knows exactly where i'm coming from.i don't want to talk about what happens, what feelings come up. I want them to not know where i'm coming from but take what i say for what it is and leave it at that. or tell me something i wouldn't know a thing about. tell me about something that i wouldn't be able to relate to. Tell me something new. be unordinary.let me be unordinary.lets talk about things we know that we won't.that is, if that makes any sense. I don't want protective skin, symbolicly speaking. i want enigmatical experiences. I want SECRECY..PRIVACY...i don't want you to know me any better than i know myself, which isn't well at all. I want everyone to get of my space when i've had enough. i want LIMITS! I don't want interuptions.I want to have parents making love at 2 am while the kids are sleeping privacy with myself. no distractions, outside views and comments are unacceptable. I want to meet my conscience. And, why hello Soul! I re-read my first few sentences and well, its not that everything i talk about with people is typical..or well yes, it is typical, either typical or a situation that someone can find a way to understand. I want to talk to someone and not feel like i shouldn't talk about a certain "thing" going on in my life.
Did i mention that i hate small talk. I was waiting for a ride after school today and this girl in my grade starts asking the most typical things to ask when making small talk. "how are you doing this year?" "well" "i saw you a few days ago at mc donalds with 2 boys and another girl" "o yeah that was andrew ramses and ray" "cool" "so what's your favorite color?" " i dont have one." "so you like every single color?" did i say i did?.."no.i guess it just depends on my mood, the season we're in, and the wheather." "o cool" "yeah" "my favorite color is blue" "=]." then mauricio and luis saved me from the hell i'd like to call small talk. i know its kind, but spare yourself, and me, the awkward silences...please.You know theyre bound to happen in a situation like that.
i've come to my senses, that is, i am no longer captivated by your beauty, your personality, your voice, your laugh, your charming smile, your funny faces, your adorable butt crack,(yeah i said it, and i mean that too),the memory of you. I AM OKAY. Your abscense is having a positive affect on me. I can honestly say, and "Put it down" that i have yet to mope and cry and go through a tissure box or two. I haven't broken down yet. I don't know if i will. The thought of you does little if anything to me. Nothing more than a weird tummy feeling for 10 seconds. I can't feel sad about anything that happened between us right now. I try to, which sounds quite pathetic, but i'm human. I listened to i will something ak me why dont let me down several times.i didn't end up feeling sad, instead, each time i ended up forgetting that listening to those songs were supposed to make me cry and instead i'd start singing along and being happy. I don't know what the time has in store for us, but i do know that the time i do know of us being together, was fun-i enjoyed all of it.
I realized that once i recap everything and mention all of the points i intend on mentioning, i start writing the most insignificant things that not even i enjoy reading. So i'm going to work on that.
no i take that back.i won't work on that.i'll let my chubby little fingers type as long as they please and i'll keep thinking.no one forces you to read this.
You are your own master.
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| New Live journal. |
[18 Jul 2005|09:09pm] |
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) caderas_como__
Go add my new one.=].make sure to comment so i know to add you.
o and it's caderas(1 under score)como(2 under scores)
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| Baby Blue Sedan |
[18 Jul 2005|10:27am] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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music |
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bbs-modest mouse |
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Estoy resfriada y tengo una tos, pero al mismo tiempo soy muy feliz.
The other day Zurry and i ate at pho and then went to bittersweet lingerie, i bought my mom the prettiest flowers i've ever seen. She was really happy. I've been doing sweet things for her lately, and it sure is paying off. I love my mommy.
I didn't go to school today cos i'm sick, so earlier when i woke up, i went to the kitchen and on the counter was the waffle maker an orange my pills nutella honey cream cheese cottage cheese a plate with a napkin knife and spoon set on it and a letter saying:
Good Morning Binkos!
Hope you're feeling better.
Blow your nose & get those mocos out.
Take these pills & drink O.J.
Waffle mix in frig.
I already sprayed the waffle maker for you.
Enjoy.
A-B-U
M♥M
She's so cute.
Things like that make me so happy.
I'm gonna take her to get a makeover with me at either mac or benefit.
Tomorrow i have a mid-term.=[.I kinda have to study so my mom will be proud.
I really am a moma's girl.
haha.
=].
Have a lovely day everyone!
.heart.
Bianca
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[12 Jul 2005|07:44pm] |
today was groovy.
Lilly and I got a ride from her Uncle Kip.haha.her bro in law. then we sat outside of ahs for like 25 mins talking and laughing like the couple we are.haha.
and then she went to her class and i went to go meet Andy.=].
He had never ever tasted sushi so we went to the sushi restaurant on main.it was sooo yummy.and he liked it too! he was scared to try it but he did it.we counted to 3.:].
and then we played grass fight and then took a semi nap on the grass.but he kept putting grass on my face like a heffalump.
and then my moma came and she met him and likes him and i dunno.
I got home got lazy and sat around.
i dunno.
I enjoyed today.
Tomorrow i've got work.
weeeee!
haha.
uhm k.bye.
heart.
Bianca
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[10 Jul 2005|09:39am] |
- a boy that will leave me after seeing him for 20 minutes to go back to his "female friend" and then 2 hours later see me and just wave.*course*
- a boy that won't call me once we've already made plans and instead goes over to the same "female friend"'s house.
- a boy that asks to hangout whenever he thinks he's spent enough time with his friends.
- a boy that puts up a front and acts nice.
- a boy that makes me feel unimportant.
this list can go on and on and on.
But uh, that's somewhat of a description of what i don't want.
OOO.
and
- a boy that i can keep a steady veiw of rather than thinking he's the best and that he always gets good grades.
ok that's all.
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| .heart. |
[07 Jul 2005|08:36pm] |
So i'm beginning to get really close to Lilian.
I like it.
She's a really awesome girl.
uhm.
Saturday should be fun.
I want to bond with her a bit more.
aww, she's the cutest girl ever.
I'm gonna take a picture of her and you'll see what i mean.=].
.heart.
Bianca
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| broken passions |
[05 Jul 2005|10:35pm] |
aren't you lucky.
Hanging out everyday.
Being there.
or there.
or together period.
I dunno.
it seems like yr together quite a bit.
uh.hey yr house or mine?
hah.
don't fear the reaper is such a good song.
I sat in my garage today talking to Andy listening to all of my dad's old records. He has sooo many good ones. Its marvelous. I'm thinking of having Liz and few other people over. Itd be fun to chill in my garage listening to all of his records. You all can smoke yr pot while i eat chocolate or something.=].o and by the way, i don't want to smoke pot cos its my decision, not cos someone doesnt want me too.Just thought i'd make that clear.
anyways.
bye.
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[05 Jul 2005|02:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 mhmmmmmm |
] |
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music |
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ray charles-you are my sunshine |
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fourth of July was interesting.
I ended up going over Ignacio's house, hanging out there until like 7, then when we decided to go meet up with his mom and family at his uncle's house, on the way stopped at his friend Alora's house, said Hello, got to his uncles house, then drove to almansor park for fireworks but they ended, went back, watched a tina turner movie, o and then i left.
So in bewteen:
I got to Ignacio's house and he was in a towel...uhmmm...enough said. He got dressed, and it was kind of awkward in the beginning but then it got A LOT better. So that was nice.smile.
I made a new best friend.Her name is Teresa and she's 5 years old.Her nickname is Tiny and enjoys Ballerina's. She's going to be a ballerina pretty soon, and next year she'll be attending pre-school. She's the cutest little girl EVER.(o and she's Ignacio's little cousin)
FINALLY being allowed to spend a holiday with him was awesome.(although my dad, without a doubt, feels differently about the matter)haha
Sometimes i feel like Ignacio and I a married couple, its nerve racking, but at the same time pleasing.
I love every student in my alg2 class. They're all asian, i'm the only latina, they're all so interesting and insightful. It'd be nice to make this one boy named chris a close friend. I enjoy talking to him.=].
K well now i'm just speaking of random matters that everyone reading this could care less about so i'm off.
=]
.heart.
Bianca
p.s.friday moving units Lilian♥♥♥ Him<3=triple delight.hah...I give you permission to be envious.
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[04 Jul 2005|10:38am] |
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music |
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it's like learning a new language. |
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Frustration. 
I woke up, got up, put this cd on that consists of practically every Beatles song, went back to bed, got under my blankies, and relaxed.
I've come to the conclusion that it's about time for me to begin writing in a journal.When i was younger, i'd cry a lot because of things that would happen, and i didn't have anyone to talk to so i'd always turn to my journal, it always helped.So i think i'm gonna start one again.
I don't know what my plans are for today.
( I bluff.But you won't be able to call it. )
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[03 Jul 2005|10:21pm] |
Happy early 65th Birthday Richard Starkey!!!
I Love You!
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| But i still want one. |
[03 Jul 2005|10:01pm] |
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music |
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helter skelter |
] |
As for you,
my galvanized friend,
you want a heart. You don't know how
lucky you are not to have one.
Hearts will never be practical
until they can be made unbreakable.
I enjoyed that.
Thank you mister Oz.
Edit:
I posted this and realized that i forgot to mention that this was my first time seeing The Wizard of Oz. It doesn't matter much, but i wanted to say that it was my first time in the beginning.
I liked it.
& it made me remember why i never wanted to see it when i younger, it's kinda weird and scary.
K fin.
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[03 Jul 2005|10:32am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
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music |
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don't let me down-The Beatles |
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so long.
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| i've reached a new low. |
[28 Jun 2005|09:37pm] |
I'm beginning to not let things that should bother me, bother me.
..ha.
O and i've stopped opening up to several people.
I'm a lonesome child.But i do it to myself.
Like, her, for example.I won't say her name.But she'll know who she is if she reads this.
She's been with her boyfriend for such a long time now, and for some reason, not to many people come close to him.She seems so secretive with everyone but him.It's like hes the only person she'll be herself with.
I can't say thats a good thing, it might be good for the realtionship, wait no, actually its not cos shes so attached that he gets annoyed of questions she asks when she feels insecure, so its not good but i mean, i guess it's, "cute".I dunno. But i'm beginning to see all of these in myself, and it's not good thing. I don't want to be as reserved as i am. I don't know.
I'm beginning to think i'm just incapable of letting anyone else besides Ignacio and Tiffany really know me. Cos with Ignacio, I'm the Bianca i'd like to call genuine, and same with Tiffany. Except i could really real with her cos she makes everything so goofy and it puts you at ease. Idon't even know whats happening with that though, bah, nothing of what happened should have, especially over something so petty. comment made...then i clarified.i dunno. I'm done with that.
I have work tomorrow.I'm really excited.I love my job.
What i'm defnintely not looking forward to though, is my 6 hour long alg.2 class.gahhhh.
So long.
-Bianca
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| "if you photo shit the pics i took i'll kung fu chop yr ass." |
[22 Jun 2005|09:32pm] |
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Earlier in the day i was angry, pms-E,and i had a huge headache.
So i had my away message say this:
I have a huge headahce, anyone wanna come visit me? _____ <----- my telephone number there.
and so then Someone calls and their like hey do you still live on ave __. and i'm like omg who is this? Yr old pal! uhm..which one? it doesnt matter we're on our way to yr house do you still live there? yeah. Should i be scared? no. i promise, you'll be happy.We're bringing yr favorite little girl. uhhh....alright? Shut up.and he hung up.
I was kinda nervous, i was hoping it would've been Ignacio.hah!Needless to say, it wasn't.
so like i hear knocking and i'm like omgoshhhh. and so i'm like who is it? and their like just open the door peanut face.
and well, the only people that call me that are Cancer patient James and Michael. SO i'm like omgggg!!!! hiii!
haha.
It was such a nice surprise. They brought me flowers...from my front yard.haha. but the best part was that they brought little Aimeeee! my cutie patootie!
So i dunno, we just sat around and they were entertaining me. James gave me advil.=]. k so then it got kinda dark and i thought my parents would come home so i was gonna rush them out but i was like eh.cos i mean, Aimee was there too. So we were just sitting in my room making fun of cancer James. and then Mike decided to take pictures of me for my album cover. (i don't need an album cover cos i dont even have an album but he thought itd be a good idea for future reference. It started off with me just being lame and him taking pictures when i didnt really expect them and then he decided to get fancy and put the flower i gave Aimee in my hair.haha.
uhm, in some you'll see James' shoulder.o well.
    
So in the first pic its me and James' arm.The second its me trying to annoy James.The third say hello to me trying to figure out how to play games on my ipod.the fourth i was about to take the camera from mike but then Aimee was trying to tell me that she needed to eat a strawberry with chocolate immediately.haha.and the last James was talking to me about how floods are common in my area and that i should by flood insurance and i was saying "get out of town".
The end.
My day was nice.
Except i was quite sad and annoyed inbetween parts. Eh.
I guess the end.
Tomorrow im gonna try to see Ignacio.
I dunno how that'll go.
We'll see.
-Bianca
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[22 Jun 2005|03:48pm] |
I am insecure.
I am angry.
I am hurt.
I am scared.
I am apprehensive.
I am damaged.
I am thoughtful.
I am hopeful.
I am pathetic.
I am critical.
I am two-faced.
I am quiet, if i'm not comfortable with you.
I am annoyed.
I am troublesome.
I am not what you want.
I love a boy, & he's right, I'm unsure of his feelings for me. He's also right when he says that my not being sure of how he feels for is a big problem. He's not right in thinking that making himself unsusceptible to feeling pain will make this relationship easier.
Oh boy.
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[22 Jun 2005|03:27pm] |
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This "ideal" relationship i've been so dependant on for the past two years is yet again beginning to deteriorate faster and faster each time i talk to him.
This kid isn't going to "let anything bother him anymore." Not letting anything bother you means not caring, so even if i do make the right decisions, it won't matter to him. He's acting like an ass about this whole thing, and he made it very clear last night on the phone. I'm starting to question whether or not we should be in a relationship together.
I'm not enjoying us as much as i was.
What the fuck?
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| I'm two-faced, fake, and critical.& so are the rest of you. |
[21 Jun 2005|10:59am] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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Pedro the lion |
] |
While i'm sick at home, he's out having a blast. Whatever happened to those good ol' b/f's that went to yr house to give you flowers and tried to make you feel better? ...bitches.
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| sad songs, and a stupid girl. Hello, I'm Bianca. |
[18 Jun 2005|10:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crappy |
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| [ |
music |
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flower of the rarest hue |
] |
Call me stupid, call me pathetic, call me irresponsible, call me helpless, call me what you want, i'm sure it'll be an agreeable statement.
I messed up.Again.with him.
I keep telling myself i'm not back to my old habits, but its getting harder to trust myself. He can't trust me, and i'm starting to lose trust in myself too. I know what i did won't lead to anything worse, cos i won't allow myslef to get there again. But i did mess up. I shouldn't have done what i did, and then kept it from him. I don't do this shit intentionally, my intentions weren't to hurt him, but it did.
usually i'd have to much pride to let this be known in something as public as this, but i will because i guess i'm kinda seeing this as, well if i do this then it means that i really do need him so much that i'd publicly lower myself. I do need him that much, he's my best friend, i can't even compare him to anyone else, he's just so amazing. I love knowing him, i love looking at him, i love listening to him talk, i love watching him and trying not to overlook any detail, i love being around him, i love talking to him, i love laughing with him, i love cuddling with him, i love loving him.
but all of that isn't but IS besides the point i was trying to make.
To get him back i've on my own decided to not hangout with my friends, because thats the only way he can be sure i'm not making that one bad decision.
I'm actually greatful he doesn't approve of what i did. That he really shows how good of a friend he is. No other friend really guides me in the direction he does.
I need him back.
I won't give up, and hopefully, he doesn't give up on me.
-Bianca
p.s.Hello astronauts the shit.
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| fill yr silence with dancing. |
[17 Jun 2005|09:43am] |
yesterday was nice.
Ignacio surprised me with a painting.(he painted it)
I was soooo happy.
It was a painting of the music hallway at Alhambra high school where he first asked me to be his g/f on July 15th 2003.
He wasn't done with it, but i wanted it so i took it.
I'm thinking i should give it back so he can finish it.
It was done nicely. I love it.
So after he gave it me we snuggled.
I was hyper and he was exauhsted but i wouldn't let him sleep.
I kept talking, and making silly voices.
I think my boyfriend is super hot.
geez.
uhm, k so after a while i tired myself out, so i closed my eyes and when i opened them he was looking at me. I liked it.
He makes me feel safe. He loves me, I love him.
So just as i was about to fall asleep there was an earthquake.
you'd think we'd get scared, no.
We couldn't stop talking about how cool it was.haha.
I'm glad there was an earthquake while we were together.
About 10 minutes after my mommy called me asking me if we were okay. Her call made me even more happy.
after a while i got hungry so we ate super yummy shrimp and he made me lemonade.
we sat around watching pbs and he deleted a few contacts from the phonebook in my phone. I like it when he does jealous things like that. It's cute.
then went to the laundry mat to play some fighting video game walked to in and out talked about a few things then my mom picked us up..
the end.
I love my boyfriend.
I love the picture he painted me.
He's a thoughtful boy.
We're perfect for eachother.
.<3.
o and i'm not going to disneyland with Andy afterall. O well.
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